"The Routine"
-Thomas Hodges

You know what’s nice?..The sky had watercolor form, mixing blue and red to create a solemn purple that sat next to the ever bright orange showing the final signs of a sun retreating behind the ocean. Ocean visible to the eye. Of course it was important to note the dark behind them- the two boys standing on the pier shivering in their goose bumps- and how it meant the sun had set moments before, for people who had different eyes, different dreams, different skin, different thoughts.
The sun sets every day. It would continue to do so until the day it moved so close to the earth that no one was left to see it. It would until the end of the boys’ life. The orange around the sun was becoming smaller, a seagull flew away from its group and swooped down to snatch a fish leaving with nothing. A faint hum could be heard somewhere right of the two boys, a hum that turned into a song, underscoring what would be a happy ending if it weren’t for reality. Across the San Diego bay, sitting on a street corner in Coronado, sat a woman who was just raped, a woman who just had a piece taken from her that she didn’t know she had. Down the street from her in a park was a reception for a marriage that would last twenty five years before the ‘in love’ part of it became non-existent. In the bay was the corpse of a child just four years of age, a child who had been missing for a week now, and who’s mother was a prime suspect. But the painting the two boys were looking at framed none of this. And throughout their lives they would know nothing of the events that were taking place as they said goodbye.
Write that one down. Lucas stared at Devin with the utmost comfort in Devin’s words no matter how poetic. After all, Devin’s poetry had shaped their four year friendship that was now coming to a close. Lucas would leave the following day for college, where he’d forget the impact Devin had on him, at least for a few years, where he would find a girlfriend who’s name he didn’t figure out until their third date, and where he would begin for the first time to understand what it means to be in love.
I think I might of already. Devin could feel his left hand shaking so he put it in his pocket hoping Lucas hadn’t noticed. Knowing Lucas hadn’t noticed. A cool gust of wind blue from the north blew Devin’s hair, that could use a cut, in front of his eyes and obstructing the view of Lucas’ lips. He used one hand to move the hair aside. Lucas opened his mouth as if to say something, closed it and then....
It’s almost gone. We should probably head back. Something was different, the air was no longer safe. Lucas was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
You sure? The fear of them actually separating was beginning to fall upon Devin and with Lucas’ words he realized it was really happening. Lucas was beginning to say goodbye.
I still have a lot of packing to get done, and I need to spend time with my Dad before I go. The fact Lucas couldn’t say parents still had a large affect on where he placed himself in life, and would continue to do so until he became a parent himself. Lucas’ mother was a heroine addict who passed out sometimes for days at a time. However for those few years in his life where she was sober they formed a bond that was unbreakable and seamless.
Just a few minutes longer, until it gets dark? He was holding his breath as the words trembled their way out of his mouth, his esophagus, his lungs, his heart. And even as they were being said he could see the consideration in Lucas’ eyes, his brown small eyes that always looked confused, like understanding wasn’t achievable. What was there to consider? The thought pressed Devin. They had been best friends for so long, goodbye’s can’t be this easy.
The sun went under. In that moment the seagull finally caught its fish, bringing another day of survival. The hum that turned into a song which turned into an underscore had suddenly taken charge into a bridge, getting ready for a build that would resolve some chords but other than that, very little. Across the bay, on a street corner a homeless man stretched himself out across wet concrete-possibly water, possibly urine- and settled for sleep. The woman who had been sitting there was calling a cab to take her across the bridge so that she may weep in her own home. In the park more wine and refreshments were being served to many who would never get married, but would spend lifetimes observing these sort of occasions. The bride and groom were fighting behind a tree somewhere, however nobody at the party seemed to notice. Underwater, the four year old child was still decomposing.
Alright. The view reminded Lucas of his mother and he decided maybe he wasn’t ready to leave it just yet. Of all the places in San Diego his mother loved Coronado the most. “There’s something so dreamlike about living on an island,” she used to say. “One day we’ll live there, I promise.” Lucas had no real desire to live in Coronado, he was content in the small apartment they owned in North Park, but as he watched the reflection of city lights on the water’s surface he wondered what it might’ve been like to live that life. Having to cross a bridge to get into the city, never needing to worry about money troubles, and always dressed nice. After all the people who came off the island were always happy...
Are you excited? Devin didn’t know how else to break the awkward silence that had risen. He had spent the past twenty or so seconds just watching Lucas look out into space. He had watched and observed Lucas in this time frame, where he could do so unnoticed by him. Devin liked many things about Lucas. He was funny, he was a gentleman, he never asked for favors, he smelled nice, he always volunteered to drive, he was there for those times you just needed to see someone, he had a great smile, his hands were heavily callused from playing the guitar and offered an even stronger hand shake, his lips were small and fine, his hair was wavy, his voice, his eyes, his body, his...
A little. The question snapped Lucas back into the world he was standing in. He was excited but mostly he was scared.
Good. Devin turned away and saw a couple walking towards a restaurant a couple hundred yards away, they were holding hands. All at once he imagined what it might be like to interlace his fingers with Lucas’, to feel the warmth of his skin pushed up against his own. They’d smile at one another while they ate dinner, they’d laugh when-
I’m scared. The thought occurred to him that perhaps he may be making a mistake. Devin was the only real friend Lucas had ever made. And as far as Lucas knew Devin didn’t have any friends besides him. He imagined Devin sitting in his room writing poetry in a notebook that nobody would ever read, and then he imagined himself at a party getting wasted and making new friends. If that scenario played out, how could he ever come back to Devin?
Of what? He wondered if this could be it. And within the few seconds where nobody talked Devin played the scene out in his head. “I’m scared I might lose you Devin.” or “I need to tell you something, I should have said it sooner but I’ve just been too scared.”, or perhaps just flat out “I think I love you.” or “I love you Devin.”
You know. How could he put into words the selfless fears he was having right now? How could he tell his best friend, man to man, that he was afraid he’d leave him alone and unhappy the moment he left town. He remembered one time when he was caught doing something bad by his father. Devin and him had grabbed a pack of cigarettes while his father was out. They went into the backyard which was well hidden by trees and smoked half the pack until Lucas’ dad came back for some paper work he left behind catching them in the act. He ordered Devin to go home, and sat Lucas down. It was a usual reprimand other than the part where he told Lucas, “You don’t have to do everything your friends want you to. Before you know it you’ll be out of high school and headed for college. Friends come and go, it’s that simple. You’ll be lucky if you find some at college that you can hold on to. But even that is a rarity.” He wondered as his dad fell into a memory if this could be true. And now standing here at the dock, part of him wanted it to be. While the other part never wanted to leave.
The sky was becoming a painting of different shades of blue, the orange still hovered at the horizon however it was just a thin reminder of what used to be there. Working left to right the sky was a dark purple mixed with a deep blue both fogged by white clouds, or were the white clouds the canvas for which these colors were painted on? Above Coronado where the lights blurred vision, the clouds went from blue to an unusual mixture of green and red that disintegrated into the orange that shadowed the sun before rising up again into the same pattern disappearing into a starry sky patched with broken clouds.
The seagulls had flown back to their own stories. The song had just finished building to it’s climax and was now preparing itself to finish strong or finish with a downward progression that might suggest a solemn tone. A few people walked right past a homeless man getting ready for sleep, the people noticed him, but still pretended as if he didn’t exist. The woman still sat in her cab waiting, wondering if her life would ever be the same again. People danced in a park. The child underwater had disappeared. Not underwater. Not above. Perhaps taken by another force, but no longer part of this earth. The child was gone.
I’m afraid I might lose you. In that moment Lucas said every word with an honest sub-text, he meant it.
There were two boys. There was a sunset. There was a rape. There was a dinner. There was a routine. There was a wedding. There was a child. There was a city. And within all this, there was a moment.
I’m here. Finally. Everything Devin had dreamt about, written about, cried about, it was all amounted to a glorious ending of ‘I love you’. He realized that it may only last a night but, that night would be precious and in a few months there would be many more. He knew Lucas may not be able to say it but maybe they didn’t need words. Maybe a kiss would complete the action, setting a promise in motion, giving life to a romance that would last forever.
I know. He couldn’t believe he just said that to his best friend. How corny, how cliche, how feminine. It was honest but it was embarrassing. Still Devin was a poet and he would understand exactly what he meant. He always did. Sometimes, Lucas thought, Devin knew him better than himself.