Blue

Blue, a memory like a book you want to reread but can’t bring yourself to, so young, so naïve, so vulnerable, so much time to grow….go back?  Every moment we go back it takes days to move forward…every breath released on a memory is a breath wasted…but I loved you, whatever love meant to me then I know that I loved you…and not…and now I may not believe in love…you pushed me! FUCK YOU! You make me hide from it all.   There was music to what we had, and the only way for me to go back there is to hear it whether it’s me playing or me listening.  The sand was so smooth or rugged I don’t remember because I didn’t care I was with you and you were laying next to me and the ocean was crashing by itself behind us. A star passes around the sky and we are safe on the ground with no thought or care about what was going to happen, and did you know what was going to happen, I didn’t I wish I did, I wish I could’ve planned for it and saved myself but you fucking took that away and thank you for that because I needed it gone maybe I still do but I didn’t expect to want so much of it back so much of you back save me save me save me….again same scene two years later you approach and I have nothing to say my last opportunity only I didn’t know it and I had nothing to say.  I dreamed this life when I was with you but now that I’m in this life I dream you.

Fuck you.

I love you.

I loved you.

I fucked you.

I almost fucked you.

 

I never had you.

And people know that part of you when I don’t.

So now what?